Peace Begets Happiness

Seek peace, instead of chasing happiness. 

I came across a post on Threads that posted about this, and it really resonated with me. What does it mean to seek peace instead of chase happiness? In my younger years, the pursuit of happiness seemed like a good thing, and it is. I'll be clear, it isn't a bad thing, but I am finding now that happiness comes from having peace. But it doesn't always work the other way around. Happiness does not bring peace. 

What does this mean for your life? What does it look like for you to seek out peace over chasing happiness? 

Happiness, on its own, feels temporary, short lived, and often sourced from the outside in. While experiencing happiness is good for your soul, when that happiness comes from seeking peace, it's a much deeper happiness. Most of the happiness we chase feels good at first, but then we're moving on to the next thing, the next dopamine hit, the next little jolt of joy. I think we're mostly taught that the goal is to seek happiness, when really, the goal all along should be to seek peace.

“There is no way to happiness; happiness is the way.” - Thich Naht Hanh

I am realizing more and more that having peace is more important than always being in a state of happiness. Always being happy is not sustainable for a human being. We must experience sadness, disappointment, anger. We must face discomfort and feelings of failure. 

A pattern I have noticed with people in my own circles is that the unhappiest ones are the ones that complain often and don't ever seem satisfied. They're always waiting for that near or far off future thing to happen so they can finally be happy. "I'll be happy when I get this new apartment. I'll be happy when I get this new job. I'll be happy when I get more money. I'll be happy when I'm in a relationship. I'll be happy when I lose 15 pounds." And something else I noticed was a lack of personal accountability taken for their current situations. It was always outside factors that was inhibiting their chances at happiness. There were always excuses. 

How does this narrative change if instead of "I'll be happy when I lose 15 pounds" shifts to "I get to be healthy, I get to choose what I nourish my body with, I get to go out to eat, I get to experience new flavors." As someone who suffered from an eating disorder for nearly two decades, I know that losing five pounds didn't make me happier or satisfied me, the real deep feeling thing was I didn't love my body or see worth in myself. 

Practicing mindfulness has led me to valuing peace over happiness. I am finding peace in doing things slower and doing less. Not every day is perfect, far from it, but I am learning to breathe through discomfort. Telling myself that feeling stressed, anxious, and feeling inadequate are part of a normal and healthy human experience. Awareness of the feeling is part of it. I can choose to let it define or control my day. I breathe. It will pass and the peace that I seek is there waiting for me and sometimes, and actually often times, it's through the muck.

Here are a couple things I do daily/weekly to practice mindfulness that has really helped bring more peace:

01. Realizing I am not responsible for things beyond my control. The weight of the world is heavy, put it down. I focus instead on the things I do have control over. My reactions. My actions within my own circles. You can't make a splash without first learning to create ripples. 

02. Go outside in stillness and simply listen and notice. I did this yesterday, sat so still that a rabbit came up to me and lingered and ate plants from my garden. So close I could have reached out and touched it. Sometimes I walk barefoot in the grass. Sometimes I smell the flowers. Sometimes it's running my hands through leaves.

03. Remove things in my life that are decisions waiting to be made. This is a big part of my minimalist mindset. Every single day new things will come up that need to be dealt with. I want to make sure I have the capacity to deal with hard things too, so I make room in my physical spaces and mental space, so I don't feel overwhelmed or overloaded.

04. Notice when I am feeling overwhelmed and practice deep breathing. Three deep breaths in and out. Breathe in the discomfort. Breathe out knowing I can handle it. Handle it. Realize I handled it. Don't fall for the trap of "Well, we did that, we can do another one!" 

05. Don't take things personally. Every week I am given people's opinions about what they think of my shop and the garments I design. Some are positive, some are not so much. Water of a duck's back. I'm not trying to please everyone.

06. Not every hobby or interest should be capitalized or even needs to be shared. Some things are kept best for you. As someone that loves to create and make things, I have found so much more joy and peace in creating for the sake of creating. Yes, is there a twinge of "Is this good enough to sell?" But then I realize questions like these always stem from my feelings of self-worth, i.e. "Will someone pay me money, so my existence is validated?" Yep. That's deep and it cuts. But we're healing.

07. Mother Nature doesn't care about you, yet gives so freely. It is humbling to know that whatever you did or didn't do, whether you met your goal or failed, Mother Nature literally just keeps on keeping on. The birds don't care that you're stressed, they sing their songs anyway and you can listen or not.